He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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