I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
