You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
