and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize