Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
