my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
