I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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