mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
