Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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