I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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