i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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