My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
