turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
