i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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