Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
