I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
