:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Drake has all the answers
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
