Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
