I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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