I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
