i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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