I feel like abortions should bother me more
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
