I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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