i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
