Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
