Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
