I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
