i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
