I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize