you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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