It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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