my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
