haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
