i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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