please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
