can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
