It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
