He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
