I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
