I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
