First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
