i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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