He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
