Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
