I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
