did you get engaged???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
