I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
