shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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