you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
