3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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