my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
