Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
