Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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