i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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