So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
