I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
