guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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