My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
