Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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