I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
