I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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