I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize