I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
