i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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