Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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