she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
