i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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