you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
