no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
