absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
