we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
