Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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