Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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