just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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